The Gaslight Anthem

Sometimes it's hard to put how you feel into words, sometimes trying to tell someone how much they mean to you or how much they've hurt you. That moment when there is a massive ache in your heart that you can't put into words you just want to curl up in a ball because the ache doesn't seem to go away. There is also that moment when something gives you goosebumps, or when you are filled with a joy that makes you feel really alive. It's hard to describe exactly how that feels, to put all that into words.

Its also pretty much impossible to describe how it feels when I hear this bands music play. I wish I could describe it.

I get goosebumps, I feel calm but also alive, the world is a better place. Six weeks tonight I will be watching them play and I know it's going to feel incredible. I never expected this band to mean this much to me, given the circumstances of how I came to like them in the first place, but none of that matters, what matters is that the last couple of months of my life would have been so much harder without them.

If I ever met them, without hopefully sounding like a complete scary fan, I would love to tell them what their music meant to me and how it got me through. I've never found a band who can make me like dancing and who I can fall asleep listening to.

With their music on I know everything will be okay.

Great Expectations

Someone told me recently that I think everything through. I always saw this as a bad thing because I thought I over analysed even the smallest thing and killed it with worrying, questioning and doubting. But she said to me that she thought it was a good thing because I weighed everything up and was very aware of what I was doing. I always wished that I could be one of those people who just acted without thinking too much, sure those people make more mistakes but they always seem to get away with it and they probably don't sit up half the night worrying.

However I think she might be right. I make pros and cons lists in my head for decisions I have to make, I way up how my decisions will affect others and I go with my gut instinct on stuff. If I'm lying awake worrying about something or someone then maybe it's not right for me. It might seem sometimes like I worry about things that I really don't need to but I think I mostly make the right decisions because I've thought before I acted.

So many people say things that they think other people want to hear. They do it for an easier life, because they're scared to tell the truth, too scared to upset someone, not cause they care about that person but because they can't cope with it all themselves. I refuse to be one of those people. The truth can hurt, but lies hurt even more. All lies do is delay the truth so when the truth finally comes out, usually in that person's actions, it hurts even more because it feels like deceit and if over thinking things mean I don't lie to people I care about and that I don't deceive myself then it is a good thing.

I would never suggest that everyone over-thinks the way I do but it would probably make a huge difference if people thought just a bit more before they open their mouths. Lies don't change the truth or make it go away, they just hide it for a while, it will always come out in the end so why waste your time in deceit.