I've never been into music because it makes me look cool or because my friends like it or because its the 'in' thing. Really my music taste is all over the place and I listen to some stuff that would not be regarded as cool. Also I've never really had a lot of friends who like the same stuff as me so I'm not doing it it to fit in with anyone, and I've never really cared about trends in music.
Music is my life, its everything. Music helps me when I'm down, when I'm angry, it helps me calm down, helps me concentrate. I know what to listen to to suit my mood, I know what I can throw myself around to, what I can have a cry to and what I will make me dance around. I've cried during live shows, I've met some of my favourite musicians and been so full of respect for them, I've gotten massively excited by music. Its the one thing I know I can rely on, my favourite albums will always be there no matter what. I have 9 tattoos and 3 of those are band-related, and I got them done after a period in my life where that bands music has pulled me through.
But there are people out there who are posers, who claim to like music because there mates do and they want to fit in or who say they like it more then they do just because that's the thing to do. I have no problem with people who don't really love music, I don't really understand it but I don't judge them for it. What I have a problem with is people who claim they care but don't. Don't tell me you like that band when you don't because that band saved my life once. Just be honest and say you don't really get it.
I get so angry about it because people like that in a music scene give it a bad name. They lead to bad atmospheres at shows , fights, arguments and they often lead to the real fans getting fed up. That's why so many people go off a band when they get really famous, its not because there trying to be cool and only like obscure bands, its because the shows are full of people who only like them cause they heard them on the radio and the atmosphere is never the same. That's why all my real favourite bands have never really had massive commercial success, they may well be well known in there scene, like Rancid are but more people have heard of Green Day than Rancid.
Tonight I could be at a local hardcore gig. I could be supporting local musicians and encouraging and supporting a scene. Instead thanks to certain posers I'm at home listening to hardcore and feeling frustrated by people who just don't really care. Maybe I just care too fuckin much.
Friday, 21 May 2010
Saturday, 1 May 2010
We stand alone
The last few weeks have been a bit weird for me. I've felt quite isolated and in a lot of ways but I've also learnt a lot about myself and how I really am.
I would say that for the first few months of 2010 I really wasn't being myself. I was doing what others wanted to do in an attempt to fit in, but the truth of it is: I don't fit in and I should be proud of that instead of masking it.
I like punk and hardcore and just because other girls I know think Sick of it all, H2O, Madball and Terror is awful it doesn't mean that it is. To me those bands and there music means something, as well as the other bands that matter to me, New Found Glory, Alkaline Trio, Rancid, Social Distortion and the countless others whose music has helped me at some point.
But I went to clubs that didn't play those bands, I drank way more alcohol then I was comfortable with and I acted like someone I didn't really know or even like. Now I've wised up to the way I was behaving and have put a stop to it, I'm finding myself isolated from the friends I had because they now don't understand me or maybe even don't like me that much. They don't like my decision to not drink at all or the fact that I would prefer to listen to hardcore then gossip.
Its been a hard adjustment, mainly because I find it hard to get my head around the fact that these people who I believed liked me, don't really seem to like me for who I am.
They want to spend hours doing their hair and picking outfits for a club, they want to run around town late at night with strange boys, they want to drink til they don't remember and they want to dance to bad, manufactured music that doesn't really mean anything. And when they thought I was one of them they liked me , but the true me is not like that.
The real me likes tattoos and not drinking and listening to hardcore. The real me would rather spend the night singing my head off at a gig or listening to music that I love. So if that means they don't like me then that's there problem not mine. I'm a good person, I care about others and I would never intentionally hurt another. I want people to be happy and I want to let people into my life and share with them the things that I'm passionate about.
I'm not sure what happens next, maybe I need to move on and to a new place where I can start fresh being myself and hope that people accept that.
At the end of the day I want friends who will accept me as I am, people who don't are not really the kind of people I would use the term friends for.
I would say that for the first few months of 2010 I really wasn't being myself. I was doing what others wanted to do in an attempt to fit in, but the truth of it is: I don't fit in and I should be proud of that instead of masking it.
I like punk and hardcore and just because other girls I know think Sick of it all, H2O, Madball and Terror is awful it doesn't mean that it is. To me those bands and there music means something, as well as the other bands that matter to me, New Found Glory, Alkaline Trio, Rancid, Social Distortion and the countless others whose music has helped me at some point.
But I went to clubs that didn't play those bands, I drank way more alcohol then I was comfortable with and I acted like someone I didn't really know or even like. Now I've wised up to the way I was behaving and have put a stop to it, I'm finding myself isolated from the friends I had because they now don't understand me or maybe even don't like me that much. They don't like my decision to not drink at all or the fact that I would prefer to listen to hardcore then gossip.
Its been a hard adjustment, mainly because I find it hard to get my head around the fact that these people who I believed liked me, don't really seem to like me for who I am.
They want to spend hours doing their hair and picking outfits for a club, they want to run around town late at night with strange boys, they want to drink til they don't remember and they want to dance to bad, manufactured music that doesn't really mean anything. And when they thought I was one of them they liked me , but the true me is not like that.
The real me likes tattoos and not drinking and listening to hardcore. The real me would rather spend the night singing my head off at a gig or listening to music that I love. So if that means they don't like me then that's there problem not mine. I'm a good person, I care about others and I would never intentionally hurt another. I want people to be happy and I want to let people into my life and share with them the things that I'm passionate about.
I'm not sure what happens next, maybe I need to move on and to a new place where I can start fresh being myself and hope that people accept that.
At the end of the day I want friends who will accept me as I am, people who don't are not really the kind of people I would use the term friends for.
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