We stand alone

The last few weeks have been a bit weird for me. I've felt quite isolated and in a lot of ways but I've also learnt a lot about myself and how I really am.
I would say that for the first few months of 2010 I really wasn't being myself. I was doing what others wanted to do in an attempt to fit in, but the truth of it is: I don't fit in and I should be proud of that instead of masking it.
I like punk and hardcore and just because other girls I know think Sick of it all, H2O, Madball and Terror is awful it doesn't mean that it is. To me those bands and there music means something, as well as the other bands that matter to me, New Found Glory, Alkaline Trio, Rancid, Social Distortion and the countless others whose music has helped me at some point.
But I went to clubs that didn't play those bands, I drank way more alcohol then I was comfortable with and I acted like someone I didn't really know or even like. Now I've wised up to the way I was behaving and have put a stop to it, I'm finding myself isolated from the friends I had because they now don't understand me or maybe even don't like me that much. They don't like my decision to not drink at all or the fact that I would prefer to listen to hardcore then gossip.

Its been a hard adjustment, mainly because I find it hard to get my head around the fact that these people who I believed liked me, don't really seem to like me for who I am.

They want to spend hours doing their hair and picking outfits for a club, they want to run around town late at night with strange boys, they want to drink til they don't remember and they want to dance to bad, manufactured music that doesn't really mean anything. And when they thought I was one of them they liked me , but the true me is not like that.

The real me likes tattoos and not drinking and listening to hardcore. The real me would rather spend the night singing my head off at a gig or listening to music that I love. So if that means they don't like me then that's there problem not mine. I'm a good person, I care about others and I would never intentionally hurt another. I want people to be happy and I want to let people into my life and share with them the things that I'm passionate about.

I'm not sure what happens next, maybe I need to move on and to a new place where I can start fresh being myself and hope that people accept that.

At the end of the day I want friends who will accept me as I am, people who don't are not really the kind of people I would use the term friends for.