Recently life seems to have gotten a little tough. I'm not too scared by this, I know it will get better again. The darkness has not completely consumed me like it has previously. It feels like there's a low pressure hanging over me but that there's a high pressure on it's way. I just need to be patient and wait for the change and do the best I can to make the low pressure bare able.
Everything gets easier with time and the hurt I feel right now will get easier to handle. The more I look to the future and stop dwelling on the past the better I will feel. I know all this, I can see the brightness just around the corner and it fills me with hope.
I think that the best life's, the ones filled with adventure and creativity, are also the life's where darkness seeps in at some point. Darkness inspires and gives you drive and focus, without it life would just be bland and safe.
I'll take the hurt and pain I feel right now and live with it if it means I get to experience the highs I know life has to offer. Right now I feel like I'm being pricked at with lots of tiny little pins, I feel sensitive to everything going on, but I know this won't last.
And I also know that I have music to pull me through the darkest, loneliest of nights. I know I can channel how I feel into my photography and into building the next stage of my life.
There is no one else I'd rather be, even in the darker times, because I feel everything and I'd rather do that than be numb.
Saturday, 31 July 2010
Wednesday, 28 July 2010
Platinum Blonde life
Life is about changes, or at least it should be. Anyone whose life just stays the same will have a pretty boring life.
The problem with change is that mostly, it takes a bit of time and that transitional period is hard to handle. Whilst you are putting things in motion and waiting for things to fall in to place all you can do is sit and think and worry. At least I that's what I do.
It's like if you dye your hair from blonde to brunette. Once it's been done, that's it done and you can spend time getting used to it, working out what clothes and make up look good and adjusting to how you look. But in the time that you are sitting there with the dye on your head all you can do is worry about how it's going to look, that it might not suit you or look how you think it's going to look.
Right now I'm a few weeks away from things starting to happen. An exciting holiday and then returning to start work on the new life I've been building for myself. Right now there really isn't much I can do and it's frustrating and scary. I spend a lot of time worrying even though I know I'm doing the right thing. I just need to get on with them instead of sitting here procrastinating. The future has so much potential.
The problem with change is that mostly, it takes a bit of time and that transitional period is hard to handle. Whilst you are putting things in motion and waiting for things to fall in to place all you can do is sit and think and worry. At least I that's what I do.
It's like if you dye your hair from blonde to brunette. Once it's been done, that's it done and you can spend time getting used to it, working out what clothes and make up look good and adjusting to how you look. But in the time that you are sitting there with the dye on your head all you can do is worry about how it's going to look, that it might not suit you or look how you think it's going to look.
Right now I'm a few weeks away from things starting to happen. An exciting holiday and then returning to start work on the new life I've been building for myself. Right now there really isn't much I can do and it's frustrating and scary. I spend a lot of time worrying even though I know I'm doing the right thing. I just need to get on with them instead of sitting here procrastinating. The future has so much potential.
Thursday, 22 July 2010
Even cowgirls get the blues.
Its the music that gets you through tough times that means the most. Sure in a lot of ways you remember the music that was playing when you were happy, the music that accompanies all those favourite memories that you have tends to stick with you and when you hear a song that reminds you of a great night with friends or a wonderful holiday it will make you smile.
But the songs that pull you through the dark times are the songs you will always hold closest to your heart.
You remember the albums that you put on when you had to scrape yourself off the floor to turn the stereo on. Its when it matters the most, so you turn to something that you know will help you. It might me something to cheer you up or something to make you realise that someone has felt the way you feel in those moments. Music can save people so what you turn to in the moments when you need saved is the stuff that shapes you, the stuff that stays with you.
I cannot go a single day without listening to music of some sort and I know what albums and artists have really been there.
It's highly ironic that right now the music helping me cope is the music of one of the favourite bands of someone who has hurt me. Somehow this music suits my mood and I don't even think of him when I listen to it, which is a good thing. I guess you don't really choose the music that's gonna pull you through, it chooses you.
But the songs that pull you through the dark times are the songs you will always hold closest to your heart.
You remember the albums that you put on when you had to scrape yourself off the floor to turn the stereo on. Its when it matters the most, so you turn to something that you know will help you. It might me something to cheer you up or something to make you realise that someone has felt the way you feel in those moments. Music can save people so what you turn to in the moments when you need saved is the stuff that shapes you, the stuff that stays with you.
I cannot go a single day without listening to music of some sort and I know what albums and artists have really been there.
It's highly ironic that right now the music helping me cope is the music of one of the favourite bands of someone who has hurt me. Somehow this music suits my mood and I don't even think of him when I listen to it, which is a good thing. I guess you don't really choose the music that's gonna pull you through, it chooses you.
Tuesday, 20 July 2010
The lights and buzz
Social networking websites have made the world a worse place. People don't talk on the phone anymore, or write letters, or travel to be with someone. They send them a message on Facebook and think that this is a suitable substitute. But a message on Facebook is nothing, its just some words bashed out on a keyboard and then forgotten about. Maybe the person you just spent a whole 3 minutes of your life thinking about needs something more. Maybe they want to hear your voice, maybe you would like to hear theirs.
All sites like Facebook have done is make people more arrogant, more self obsessed and selfish. It's far too easy to just think that by adding someone on facebook you can call them a friend, but the definition of a friend involves words like respect, regard and affection and you don't get any of those things on Facebook.
5 young people have taken their own lives in the city I live in the last few weeks and I'm not all that surprised. Where were they supposed to go for support and help? Maybe they sat at home alone in front of a computer screen and wondered if this was all that life had to offer.
Maybe people should stop thinking about themselves all day, every day and put some thought in to the people they surround themselves with. Maybe one of these people you care about is crumbling, maybe there are feeling lost and alone and maybe by logging off of Facebook and actually being there you could help.
All sites like Facebook have done is make people more arrogant, more self obsessed and selfish. It's far too easy to just think that by adding someone on facebook you can call them a friend, but the definition of a friend involves words like respect, regard and affection and you don't get any of those things on Facebook.
5 young people have taken their own lives in the city I live in the last few weeks and I'm not all that surprised. Where were they supposed to go for support and help? Maybe they sat at home alone in front of a computer screen and wondered if this was all that life had to offer.
Maybe people should stop thinking about themselves all day, every day and put some thought in to the people they surround themselves with. Maybe one of these people you care about is crumbling, maybe there are feeling lost and alone and maybe by logging off of Facebook and actually being there you could help.
Monday, 12 July 2010
Hands down
Lately I've been thinking alot about fear. I've been feeling scared of certain things that have been happening in my life and it's made me think about what it is I am actually feeling scared of.
Its not the actual things that make me frightened, its the fear of the unknown, of not knowing what might be.
Where the next year of my life will take me. There are so many reasons to feel positive and things to feel good about, but still because these things are so good, the fear of what might be is holding me a bit, although a lot less in the last few days then it was in the days before.
Life is about feeling the fear and doing it anyway, about doing things that scare you and make you nervous. Otherwise you would end up doing very little.
Trying to launch yourself into a career that you really care about is scary, accepting responsibilities in your life is scary, the idea of falling in love is scary, because all of these require you to let go, take a risk and just jump on in!
But I intend to do that now, I'm still scared but so much less then I was and if I ran away what would that achieve.
It could all be so amazing!
Its not the actual things that make me frightened, its the fear of the unknown, of not knowing what might be.
Where the next year of my life will take me. There are so many reasons to feel positive and things to feel good about, but still because these things are so good, the fear of what might be is holding me a bit, although a lot less in the last few days then it was in the days before.
Life is about feeling the fear and doing it anyway, about doing things that scare you and make you nervous. Otherwise you would end up doing very little.
Trying to launch yourself into a career that you really care about is scary, accepting responsibilities in your life is scary, the idea of falling in love is scary, because all of these require you to let go, take a risk and just jump on in!
But I intend to do that now, I'm still scared but so much less then I was and if I ran away what would that achieve.
It could all be so amazing!
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