Tonight I'm worried about friends. Some of them are struggling and it breaks my heart that I can't do more. I put shuffle on itunes just now and Swim by Jack's Mannequin came on right away. I want to tell my friends they've gotta "swim and swim when it hurts" and I think they are swimming and I'm proud of them for keeping going. I know how it feels to want to give in but I also know how good it feels to not give in and get through it. I know that I will always keep going, that I can force myself out of bed and into the world on the darkest days but I don't know fully how to help my friends and it makes me feel useless.
It also makes me realise what real love is, its that ache in your chest when someone you love is hurting, its feeling useless because you don't know what else you can do and its fear that nothing you could do would be enough. Love hurts because its a powerless feeling but it also feels amazing because it feels safe. Proper love should always feels safe, you know its not real love if you are scared of it. And if someone is looking you in the eye and saying they love you but you are scared of them then they are lying to you, because no one who is terrifying you loves you.
I'm not a big My Chemical Romance fan but their song Famous Last Words just came on my shuffle. " I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone"
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