This morning I got a nice package in the post. The first album of one of my oldest dearest friends. I felt so proud when I opened it and as I sit here listening to it I can't help but cry. The music is just stunningly beautiful, its melancholy and uplifting at the same time and I feel this so massively proud of him, so happy for him for finally doing something he always dreamed of doing.
I love Sigur Ros and that's what it reminds me of, but it means way more because I know about every ounce of love and care and passion that went into this music.
I've known this friend of mine for nearly 9 years and once upon a time he was my first real boyfriend. He taught me so much about compassion and trust and love and about being brave and strong and real and I will never forget everything he did for me, everything he gave me. There are still times when I wonder what my life would have been like if I had stayed with him, if we had made a go of it instead of letting our relationship slip into a friendship.
Life was hard on our relationship, hardest when he lost his amazing dad and neither of us knew how to cope with the agony and grief, the anger and frustration and the pain that that brought.
Watching someone you love lose someone they love is so hard and so difficult and in a way it tore us apart.
I'll never know what might have been but as I sit here listening to this music, I feel grateful that this person is in my life and I also feel so proud of him for doing this, for getting through all the hard days and making some truly amazing, beautiful music.
I miss him and wish I could give him a hug and tell him all this but I can't and I think that's why I'm crying.
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